And.. she's 12

12 years ago yesterday the Lord allowed me to watch my beautiful pink baby enter the world and, on the same date, 12 years later I was able to watch her be baptized into the body of Christ.  Oh how I am blessed!

I have such fond memories of expecting and delivering her. The entire time was filled with first times and newness. A baby right away after we married was not in MY plan. I wanted to wait a couple of years and have some time to spend with my awesome husband. I wanted to take vacations, go on lots of dates and just do what married couples do (not sure exactly what that is but, I wanted it).

The day we found out we were expecting Anna I was in complete shock. I was feeling ill. So ill in fact, that I called into work that day... something I just don't do. My (ex) husband kept teasing me that I was pregnant and I of coarse thought he was off his rocker. But, to prove him wrong and shut his teasing up ... I took a test (actually 5) and it was confirmed we were having a baby.

We walked around the house silent for some time. I was filled with so many emotions that me, the talker that I am , really didn't have words. I was shocked, happy, scared, anxious, excited, nervous... I am sure all things that most first time moms experience when finding out they are expecting unexpectedly.

Later that night tho, excitement seemed to outshine all other emotions and, we were at the book store buying books. We bought her a book to write her letters.

We started off keeping it a secret. Our sister in law was expecting and we didn't want to take away from her excitement. We also were a little nervous. We had only known each other 8 months when we got married.. people thought we were crazy enough to get married ... now , we will bring a kid into the madness?

Our fears were for nothing tho as everyone was super excited. We spent the next 8 months getting everything ready for our new baby. At our 20 week ultrasound we found out we were having a GIRL!!! A girl... a little best friend ... a little daddy's girl.

We knew her name. We knew her name before we ever became engaged. In daydreaming with my ex one day, I told him if I had ever had a little girl, I would want to name her Anna. He then told me that was his grandmothers name and, she had just passed away prior to us meeting... We never said it. We just both knew.. if we had a girl ever, it would be Anna and, we were so excited for it to be so!

The morning I had her started off like most. We woke up and he was getting ready for a day he had planned with friends. I was afraid to tell him that I thought my water had broken about 1am in the morning..  I didn't want him to miss out on his plans.I tried to convince him to go. I told him I would page him if anything happened and he worried that he wouldn't get the page in time...  I called around and got mixed advice and he told me to call the hospital. I was Leary. I knew if I called the hospital they were going to tell me to come in. I had some complications with my pregnancy. I was already being monitored 3 times a week. The Dr. had told me that I would deliver early (4 weeks early tho? I didn't even have a pediatrician yet).

I called the hospital and sure enough they told me to come in. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to sent home and it to be nothing. I didn't want our Saturday to be wasted.
But, he and the Dr. insisted and so.. we went.

We took our time. We stopped at McDonald's and ate as I was sure I was going to be sent home and who wants a hungry , cranky pregnant woman on their hands!?

We got the hospital and immediately the words left the nurses mouth "Yep, your water broke. You are having a baby today"

I had a panic attack RIGHT THERE. I told my (ex) husband that I was leaving. There was NO way I was ready for this... but, turns out I was.

All the gory details aside.. later that night I had the most beautiful pink baby. She had all of her fingers, her toes, a healthy set of lungs and, as a bonus a cone head!

I loved her instantly and I literally could not keep her close enough to me.
That day, we became a family. Together we created this perfect being.. this little life that would rely on us for everything. The responsibility scared me but.. I knew what a great dad my (ex) husband would be and I knew we could hand it ... and we did.

Today I have one of the most amazing gifts. Anna is not only my daughter but my friend. She is truly a blessing to me and everyone she meets. She has the sweetest spirit and a giving heart. She is helpful,  kind and gentle. She is patient and funny.

She is beautiful.. inside and out~

I am not sure why God blessed me with such an amazing daughter. I am for sure not worthy. I am not sure how she could live the heartbreak she has the past year and a half and still be such a beautiful young lady but, she has. God is so amazing like that.

                                                  This was our first ever family photo.

A selfie (or is it usie?) before they were cool!

Our perfect little family.

I cherish these memories. I love him for the children we share. I loved watching him as a dad to our children. He was an awesome dad. I regret nothing. Even looking at these pictures I can do nothing but smile! Yes, I wish that things had been different... Yes I wish my kids still knew this dad... but, regardless of our spot in life. I have been blessed!!!! Truly blessed.

Some more pics of her through the years.

About 18 months

5 years..

One year!

And, on her 12th birthday here she is after her baptism.

She is with our Pastor and her brother (who was also baptized)

(no he didn't wet his pants.. he was just wet)