Dear Ma'am... Dear Sir

 I see the way you look at me. I realize we are a spectacle as we walk into any establishment. A woman in any space with four kids is a lot to see...
 But, you see, .my cheeks are already flushed from the glares. I am trying to avoid eye contact for I know .. if I do...

 "Are they all yours?" You'll  blurt it out as tho it is your last question on earth. And, as I say "Yes, they are all mine", with an exhausted smile..I know what comes next.. there will be  some magnetic force that shifts your gaze  to my left hand. You can't seem to stop staring.. Nope, no ring!

 As you scan the faces of my precious beautiful children, I realize what you are thinking. I want to scream "They all have the same dad" ... I want to say "My husband left me with these four beautiful kids and, they were conceived in love".... I also want to tell you to "Bug off" .. to express my anger for the way you have made me feel. Seeing my kids every day reminds me of my failed marriage. I am reminded with every tear, or struggle. I am reminded when I can't do for them the way that I would like because we  can't afford it or I am simply too tired.
 I am reminded when my kids bring home pictures from school of their family and there are only 5 stick figures where there used to be six.
 Yes, I am shamed enough. I am reminded that I am hated more than they are loved and they suffer because of it.
 I don't need your reminder. I don't need your thoughts of  my four fatherless kids. I don't need you to speculate that I have made four bad decisions in my life. They weren't and, as much as I struggle and as hard as it is.. I count them a blessing.. each and every day!
 In a world  tolerant of so much... I am shamed. You don't know my story. You don't know of my tears. my struggles. You don't know the hours I lay awake at night fretting over the pain my kids endure.
You don't know that I work.. hard. And, I come home to work some more. You don't know the running around I do from this function to that so my kids can have a glimpse of joy.
You have no idea how much I miss being a mom because I am busy being dad too!
You have no idea how much I feel like I am drowning some days...

The reality is..we don't know peoples struggles. We don't  know why a woman is at a grocery store with four kids. Perhaps she was in a string of bad relationships... perhaps she lost her husband to death. ... perhaps ,like me, one day he was there, the next day he was gone! No one sets out to raise kids on their own... We could all use a little more compassion. Parenting is HARD WORK..... try it without a partner. Try it when you and your kids are broken hearted. Try it when you are so tired some days you can't remember how you got from point A to point B and when you finally relax enough to sleep a little.. one of your little ones wake up crying or sick...

 There have been times I am on cloud nine from the sweet things people in my life have done for me .. only to walk in a store and have that joy robbed by a stranger.
I realize that is just as much on me as it is on the stranger but, it is hard to fight when you are emotionally tired.
Some times tears come at the drop of a dime.
So ... how about.. the next time you see an unwed mom in a store ... try and keep your curiosity at bay. Give her an understanding smile. If she is like me, she is beat. If she is like me, the last thing she wants to do after working all day is go into a grocery store with her four kids.But, see, I have no choice... If she is like me, she could use a smile.. not a reminder of her life gone differently than she planned.
Help her unload her groceries.. tell her her kids are beautiful. Tell her SHE is beautiful. Tell her, she is doing a good job! I know these things will brighten her
entire day. They have for me. And, I try and do them for others because of that!

Please take time to be more compassionate to those around you.... I intend to!
You  have no idea how much a kind word, a sweet gesture can lift spirits.