The Biggest lie...

The biggest lie people tell themselves when they leave their spouse and kids is... "The kids will be ok, kids are resilient" ,, and, it is not even just the parents.. it is grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends , friends of friends. I have heard it so many times since my divorce.. and I think "Who are you trying to kid?"

Ok, look. Of COARSE they aren't fine.  How can they be? I mean, think about you and what you are going through.. you don't think the kids aren't going through something?
If YOU feel rejected and YOU feel lost.. you don't think they do as well?
I can't look into my kids eyes or hear the things they say and with a straight face say the words.. "The kids are fine, they are resilient"
They MAY one day be fine ( at least I am going to do my best). They will one day grow up to be adults and functioning in society but, for now, no, they aren't ok. And, even as adults they will carry the baggage of this..
I was 15 when my parents divorced.  I was much older than my kids now. I had a huge support system. My aunts , uncles, parents... they were all around me. Aunts and uncles and cousins would come and get us and take us out, they were always trying to make us feel special and loved..  My parents co-parented very well. They kept opened lines of communication and they were very civil.. I hate to think of what things could have been like had none of these things happened in my life. I was blessed. ...  But, despite all of that. I wasn't ok. My first couple of semesters when my parents split up, my grades went down. I was failing out of several classes.
I wasn't aware of my parents problems. I wasn't aware that they didn't have a good marriage. All I knew was one minute I had 2 loving parents in my home.. then boom... I was only seeing my dad every other weekend!
We had a great family dynamic. I have fond, wonderful, awesome memories of my childhood. My parents and immediate family were very family oriented. We camped, fished, you name it, we did it as a family.. then, it was done. How could that NOT mess with a kid? And, as I said, I had a huge support system.
I think that if people would stop lying to themselves.. divorced kids wouldn't have so many issues.. If God created a family to be a certain way... it was for a reason. Because kids need BOTH parents. .. and yet, people think that kids are "ok" if a marriage is over?

Being with my kids pretty much 95% of the time, I know my kids aren't ok. I try. I work hard but, they aren't. The things they say to me and the ways they act sometimes makes it a reality. I can't lie to myself. It smacks me in the face every day. 

I can't tell myself they are ok, they are going to bounce back and be just fine. Nope, I can't.

I see the pain they endure. It has been almost a year. A full year and still, even this morning my son said something that made me sad all day. 

They went from having two parents who loved and adored them. Having two parents who showered them with attention an affection .. who did all kinds of things with  them as a family..

From being a part of a family and extended family to... well, what they have now,

My kids will never be the same. I never will be, I can't imagine they would be either.

My kids have to find a new normal. A way to cope without a dad , grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins in their lives regularly (not my choice mind you). 

Seeing their dad the little bit they do isn't enough. Seeing other family even less isn't enough either. But, that's the hand they have been dealt and I  will work really REALLY hard comforting them and cushioning their falls .. I will do what I can. But, pain has, will and does come. It is unavoidable. I wish they didn't have to endure it... I wish I could take it all from them. It is out of my hands but, as I said I will work hard trying to help them cope! They deserve it!