Well, the kids have completed their 2nd day of school. It has been a very pleasant experience so far. They all love it very much (so far) and the past two days have been up and dressed well before the alarm. I am aware that this won't last, the excitement will fizzle but for now, I am taking it!
I am really REALLY pleased with the school that I have chosen. Every day there is more about it that I love. I do hope that it stays that way and, that I am still singing its praises at the end of the year.
So far, I LOVE love LOVE all of their teachers , the principle and even a couple of other teachers that teach other grades.. The teachers aides are super sweet and I like them a lot too.
I realize that being up on this pedestal that the school can go no where but down (or stay the same) and I do know it has its faults. I am just thankful that it seems to be exactly what they (and I ) needed all a long!
The kids are TIRED tho. They are not used to all of this routine. Our home school was lax . we woke up when we woke up and we got to our studies when we got to them. The getting up so early is hard and they have been DOG tired the past two days. But, they are happy tired so that helps.
Emotionally, some other things are bothering the kids. It is heartbreaking to know they are suffering at the hands of one of the people that are supposed to love them more than anything in this world. I will NEVER ever EVER understand a parent walking away and leaving their kids to feel as tho they did something wrong because their parents have decided they don't exists.
I have heard many excuses as to why. So far not a SINGLE one seems like a valid reason. But, what do I know? I am just a parent who loves my kids more than life itself!
Luckily, for that person who is hurting my kids, they are a lot like me. They love unconditionally. And, they are loyal. When this person gets their reality check and decides to walk back in.. chances are, my awesome , loving kids will probably take them back with little resistance. Because, well, they are forgiving like that. And, because they love them so much it hurts.. But, that doesn't change the the fact that for now, until then, they are hurting immensely ..
But, it is not my job to make it right. I have tried, I have begged. I can no longer parade my kids in front of this person so they can see how awesome that they are. If they don't see it for themselves then, they don't deserve my kids in their lives anyway.
I can say, of all the people in the world that I found capable of this, this person was NOT one of them. I was wrong.
Seems I have been wrong a lot these past 12 years. Seems I have spent a lot of time seeing what I wanted to. That is the hard part about being loyal .. being naive .
My eyes have finally opened. I now see what was there all along. It is hard to swallow .. it is hard to come to terms with the fact that the people you love didn't care for you in the same way. But, as my kids are learning and so am I. We can only be responsible for our own actions.. what others do is not our responsibility. We will pay for our mistakes.. we may even pay when we haven't made mistakes at all but, in the end, I will not be sorry that I loved, I will not be sorry that I was loyal and true.
At the end of the day.. houses, cars, motorcycles and jobs do not make us who we are. Our Character does. And, I would rather be poor and be known as a good person than to be rich with THINGS and no character! I would rather the people who REALLY know me (not those who only know what I tell them) know my true character. Know me with my faults and all yet, still be able to say I am a good person.
I know a lot of good people in this world.
People who love me and my kids despite our faults. Those who, just because we have a bad day (or even they have a bad day) don't walk out and make excuses why that is ok. At the end of the day, I want to surround myself with the people who love us no matter what has happened. Who love us unconditionally, as we do. Who, despite circumstances make sure we are doing well, making sure our needs are met and, shower us with love and prayer. Because, that is what it is like to love. You want to be sure that the people you love are not hurting, are fed, clothed, emotionally ok.
At the end of this life. I will be able to remember so many who have stepped up and provided us all with the support we needed and, I pray , that those same people, at the end of theirs will be able to say the same of us.
God has a special design for a family. The Bible is clear. Was a perfect Proverbs 31 wife? Ha! Nope, not even CLOSE.
Was a good wife? Yes! Except when I wasn't.
I love my kids. But, I am not a perfect mom. I love my family but I am not a perfect daughter, sister, cousin...or even friend.. but, I am trying. I am working to better myself every day. I fall, often. I have issues with anger over what has happened to me and my kids (most of my anger comes from what has happened to my kids).
I am working on those things. Working on bettering myself. I am a work in progress. I am never ever going to be perfect. I know that. I am a sinner .. same as everyone.
Thankfully, I am forgiven. Thankfully, I can hold my head up knowing the strides I have taken in making all of this right. With that tho, I can also hang my head in shame of the things I have done to make it worse. But, God is good. I am forgiven for those things. And, even tho I will probably fail again. He has cleaned my slate and I can start a new tomorrow!
THANK YOU LORD.. for your mercy and your grace... for without either of them... not sure where I would be through all of this.
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