Ever wonder why....

Its so much easier to be thankful for a trial when its OVER instead of during? Oh I have had trials and I have been thankful for things happening during them but, never REALLY thankful for the trial till its gone and done and I am can look back and say "Ah, that is what God wanted"

I had found this to be true in this particualarly dark time in my life. I often thought "WHY????" I have several times recieved an answer... a glimpse as to why I was going through it... but, I have decided to quite asking WHY so much and just let God move.

How often I have tried to run away from my sorrow... being busy, letting life just pass my by.. one day gone is another step closer to it being over right?

How often I let the thoughts of others keep my saddness there.. oh, I know its hard for others who have not gone through it to understand it, I know that alot of people do not believe depression is a real thing in Christians.. and I have to say to an extent I believe that to be true.

I believe that a Christian cant be sorrowful ALL the time... I believe that a Christian cant walk around without ANY joy in their hearts... but, I also believe that just because I am a Christian, I cant have sad days. I also believe that my body is made up the same as every other human beings out there, and I am able to have physicial issues as well.... Having a chemical problem after childbirth does NOT mean that I do not love, or trust the Lord, in fact, I love and trust the Lord even more so now.. if that makes sense. I know that he will deliever me.. I dont believe that David was less of a CHristian because he repeatidly stated in Psalms his sorrows.. he said that his eyes wept daily... he talked often about his soul being sore vexed...

I believe that through this, I will be more mindful of those around me.. about their feelings.. less quick to judge (as we has humans tend to be VERY judmental from time to time) I am also going to stop telling people of my problem... not that I am ashamed. I am far from it.

But, I realized in telling people, I was looking for comfort and most often, I recieved the opposite.

I am not trying to lock myself in my room, stop eating, wearing dark makeup and trying to be depressed.. in fact, I often try and run away from it.. tho, its not what people see... I say "Post partum Depression" and they get this look like "is she serious?" or "OH" .... I dont need the comfort of people.. I have my Lord and Saviour... I have at any time the ability to go to him with prayer and ask him to ease my mind.

This has been a great week. We have had revival at church and I have felt better... whatever the reason for my trial, I am going to try and be even MORE thankful for it.. I do get better daily and one day I will be able to say "what ppd" until then, its here, and its real.

If it starts to rear its ugly head again, I am going to pray for the Grace to get through the day , instead of wishing the day away, or, getting down and asking "WHY" when really "WHy not?" Who am I but a sinner deserving Hell... having the mindset that "I dont deserve this" is pure foolishness.. I deserve Hell, but, I wont know that pain.. Thanks to my Lord and Saviour.. and if that isnt something to get your mind off your sorrows :)

Here are some lyrics to a song that I have probably listented to 19 billion times through this time in my life..

God Gives Grace

Sometimes problems seem so big

they hide the light of day

sometimes pain cuts so deep

I cant find the words to pray

Sometimes heart aches seem to be

much more then I can stand

thats when Grace seems to take me by the hand

He gives Grace..

In the midst of every storm

God gives Grace

that carries the weary and worn

Hes everything, we ever need

for everything we face

so remember when it seems you cant go on

God Gives Grace

I know every pain I feel

becomes His very own

God knows the weakness of my heart

that I cant make it all alone

for he knows what I can handle

and he never gives me more

when my strength comes to ends

he has more Grace in store

He gives Grace in the midst of every storm

God gives Grace

that Carries the weary and worn

Hes everything we ever need

for everything we face

So remember when it seems you cant go on

God Gives Grace.

Grace will help you stand, when problems seem so tall

and Grace will pick you up, Every time you fall.....

He gives Grace

in the Midst of every storm

God gives Grace

that Carries the Weary and worn

Hes Everything we ever need

for everything we face

so remember when it seems you cant go on

God Gives Grace....

... Just remember when it seems you cant go on

God Gives Grace.